02 Jun

Greenpoint Gazette – An Open Letter from Eugene Mirman to Time Warner Cable

Dear Time Warner Cable,

On April 23rd I moved and had an appointment with Time Warner Cable to come and install cable, Internet and phone service and no one showed up. When I called, I was told my appointment was entered wrong and moved to May 4th, without anyone calling me. No big deal, why would a company check with someone to see if they are home on a Wednesday afternoon? Of course they are. Everyone is. Name one person who isn’t home on a Wednesday afternoon? You can’t. It’s impossible, because everyone is home. It would be a waste of resources to call and talk to him. Did Stalin ever call people before he arrested them and sent them to die in Siberian work camps? No! Why should Time Warner Cable have a policy that is any different from Stalin’s?

via Greenpoint Gazette – An Open Letter from Eugene Mirman to Time Warner Cable. It only gets better.

02 Apr

Starbucks Coffee Company – What’s New

Well now it is that easy, inspired by your ideas on MyStarbucksIdea.com we’re proud to introduce the exciting new Starbucks® Mobile Pour service that puts baristas on scooters. In seven of the largest cities around the country, we’re sending out two scooter baristas per every square mile to ensure speedy service.

We’ve even made ordering easy with our Mobile Pour app for your smartphone. Simply download it, allow it to pinpoint your location, select your coffee order and keep walking. Your fresh, hot Starbucks brew will be in your hands before you can say abra-arabica.

What’s more, the Starbucks® Mobile Pour is only the first exciting development of our new mobile replenishment strategy. In the coming months we’ll be introducing several other exciting (can you say "mall" and "rollerblades") initiatives that make getting your Starbucks coffee easier than ever.

via Starbucks Coffee Company – What’s New. Pretty good April Fool’s joke by Starbucks, though seriously imagine how awesome this would be.

06 Mar

Encoded Records – Get your own #dickbar

Inspired by the Twitter iPhone app’s brand new #dickbar, you too can monetize feature Twitter’s trending topics on your website!

Simply insert this Javascript at the end of your page, and you too can see a constant display of #inanehashtags, this week’s terrible movie release, and random jabberings of popular culture that don’t interest you or your users in the least:

via Encoded Records – Get your own #dickbar. For those not in know, the #dickbar is part of a recent update to Twitter’s iPhone app, which displays an annoying bar that lists both promoted tweets and the latest hottest hashtags. The worst part is that it sits on-top of your normal listing of tweets in the app, ie dick-ish move Twitter, very dick-ish. So want to be labeled a dick like Twitter, go right ahead.

23 Feb

rstevens’ Joe Biden Fan Club Tree House of Furor – Star Wars didn’t change my life

Star Wars didn’t change my life by making me want to be a hero, a scoundrel or a freedom fighter. Star Wars changed my life by making me feel as badly for broken machines and robots who just want to do their job as I do for animals or people.

Jawa pride.

via rstevens’ Joe Biden Fan Club Tree House of Furor – Star Wars didn’t change my life. Jawa pride indeed folks.

06 Dec

WWdN – have a blue blue blue blue blue blue blue smurfmas

Holy crap, did you guys come through with replies. I think this post is the most-heavily commented post in the history of my blog, going back almost a decade.

So, I said that I’d pick a winner, which was incredibly difficult, because there were so many hilarious and clever and just plain weird contributions. Before I get to the winning one, I have an extensive list of Honorable Mentions, which come to you in no particular order; this is just how I copy and pasted them from my comment notifications:

via WWdN – have a blue blue blue blue blue blue blue smurfmas. Funniest thing I’ve read today.

08 Jul

Stack Overflow – Flash CS4 refuses to let go

I have a flash project; it has many source files. I have a fairly heavily-used class, call it Jenine. I recently (and, perhaps, callously) relocated Jenine from one namespace to another. I thought we were ready – I thought it was time. The new Jenine was better in every way – she had lost some code bloat, she had decoupled herself from a few vestigial class relationships, and she had finally come home to the namespace that she had always secretly known in her heart was the one she truly belonged to. She was among her own kind.

via Stack Overflow – Flash CS4 refuses to let go. It gets even better.

03 Jun

Street Giant – Leroy Stick: the man behind @BPGlobalPR

You know the best way to get the public to respect your brand? Have a respectable brand. Offer a great, innovative product and make responsible, ethical business decisions. Lead the pack! Evolve! Don’t send hundreds of temp workers to the gulf to put on a show for the President. Hire those workers to actually work! Don’t dump toxic dispersant into the ocean just so the surface looks better. Collect the oil and get it out of the water! Don’t tell your employees that they can’t wear respirators while they work because it makes for a bad picture. Take a picture of those employees working safely to fix the problem. Lastly, don’t keep the press and the people trying to help you away from the disaster, open it up so people can see it and help fix it. This isn’t just your disaster, this is a human tragedy. Allow us to mourn so that we can stop being angry.

via Street Giant – Leroy Stick: the man behind @BPGlobalPR. Wouldn’t change a word of this article.

23 Mar

The Certified DBA – The Daily WTF

It took an exorbitant amount of time to configure, and it still didn’t work. The application ran awfully slow, and disk I/O was through the roof. Worse, as a result of the smaller drives and 25% usage requirement, the available disk space was quickly filling up.

via The Certified DBA – The Daily WTF. An extremely amusing article that details several things about being an “expert”; it doesn’t make you right on details marginally connected to your field of study, doesn’t imply that you will practice good judgment, doesn’t mean you should throw common sense out the window, and finally that you shouldn’t re-think your basic assumptions of “how it works” when questioned, especially when presented with evidence to the contrary of your logic.